Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
