he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
