alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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