Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
