last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
