someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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