Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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