I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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