does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
