i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
