I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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