I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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