Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
