I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
