i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
