im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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