Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
