i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
