Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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