So drunk its hurt
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
