I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
