How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
