Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
