I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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