She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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