I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
