This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
