my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
