I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
try to milk me bitch
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