No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
