i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
