Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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