i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
