I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize