Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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