There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
