it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
