I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
