if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
