2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
