you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
