I must be too annoying 4 u.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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