just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
