I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
