You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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