I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
