I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
