Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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