She said her name was "party"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
