brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
