I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
