You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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