HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
