why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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