my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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