Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
