Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
