forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize