that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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