I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
