Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
