Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
