I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
