Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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