well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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