She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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