I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
