i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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