he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i out mim tonsoeep
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