I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
