Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
