Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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