You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Houston, we have a squirter
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
