I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
