Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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