matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
