I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
